I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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