I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Jerry, you need to find god
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
