I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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