She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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