you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
