My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Randomize
