can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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