the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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