Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
