If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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