tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
