remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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