So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
