I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She bit a glass in half.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
