shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize