you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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