Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
