ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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