I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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