I heard we made out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize