Barsexuality is the new black.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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