I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
