I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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