is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
