Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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