we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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