We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
