No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
