It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
