I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
