Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
