I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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