he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
