"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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