garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
