I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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