She's JV to your varsity
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
