My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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