I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
that is very illegal...i love you.
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