hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
