Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
