you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
