she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this will be a night to untag.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
