i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
