just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
