So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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