All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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