Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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