i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
