omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
