I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
