people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
