A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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