You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
