Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
