This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize