I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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