So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You may now shotgun with the bride
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
