with your own penis?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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