They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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