You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
