I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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